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How to Start a Conversation with a Girl (And What to Say)

Start conversation with a girl
Whether you’re at a party, the coffee shop, or even in class, it can be hard to start talking to that pretty girl you’ve been eyeing up. But fear not! It’s actually easier than you think to strike up a conversation with the girl of your dreams. And it doesn’t even have to be in person; you can use texting and social media as well! This article will give you all the tools and tips you need to strike up a conversation with anyone and find out what makes them tick!

Realize that you are nervous

It’s normal. You’re about to initiate an interaction, which is terrifying. We like easy and comfortable more than we like challenging, risky activities. Keep in mind that you don’t have anything to lose—the worst thing that can happen is that she doesn’t reply at all! That being said, remember that if you do get her attention, it will be awkward for both of you at first. Be yourself and take your time to say something interesting or funny instead of blurting out questions or one-liners designed for killing time or showing off how great you are (that rarely works!). Don't expect her to respond right away; she may be confused as well, because she wasn't expecting someone new just out of nowhere.

Acknowledge that most people are nervous

Before talking to someone, it’s important to remember that you aren’t alone. Most people feel anxious when introducing themselves or striking up a conversation. It doesn’t mean they are going to be unfriendly or uninterested, it just means they might be nervous too. Try not to put pressure on yourself or expect others to put pressure on you; instead, embrace your nervousness and use it as encouragement for a good conversation.

Have something prepared ahead of time

Being caught off guard is one of those things that’s bound to happen from time to time—and it’s not necessarily a bad thing. The ideal situation is always going into an interaction knowing what you want and how you plan on executing, but there are some conversations that will take on a life of their own and evolve beyond anything you could have prepared for. If something unexpected does come up, it’s best to think about what your goals for being in conversation with her are and whether or not it’s worth pursuing. More often than not, having something ready-to-go will allow you more fluidity as opposed to feeling like everything hinges on every single sentence that comes out of your mouth.

Assume she is also nervous and just wants to be treated like everyone else

One of biggest mistakes guys make is treating women like they’re some sort of holy creatures who are above talking to. Don’t approach her like she’s a celebrity—she isn’t one. Be polite, smile, and remember that she is just as nervous about meeting you as you are about meeting her. Everyone wants to be treated normally; don’t act weird or put on airs when approaching her and she won’t either. Always treat women like regular people and your conversations will go smoothly—there isn't an advantage in treating them any differently so stop trying to show off or be flashy.

Think about what you can relate to her on

There’s an infinite number of topics you can chat about, but it’s easiest to begin with what you have in common. If you’re at a party and standing near someone who looks like they could be friendly, ask if she knows anyone at the event. Say, I don’t know anyone here; do you? I was hoping we could introduce each other around. From there you can chat about your mutual acquaintances or some popular guests at the party. Mentioning names will get her talking and make her feel comfortable telling you more about herself. And remember that while small talk is totally normal when meeting new people, there are plenty of ways to inject humor into conversations without being inappropriate or unprofessional.

Approach with confidence and smile

Whether you’re approaching a girl at a coffee shop or sitting down next to her on an airplane, approaching with confidence and smiling is key. It’s not so much what you say as how you say it; girls are more likely to be receptive of your approach if they sense that you’re comfortable and confident in yourself. If she senses hesitation or discomfort, she may shut down—and start searching for your escape route so she can leave before being bothered. With plenty of other people around, it’s unlikely that someone will start talking without any prompting—so make sure your eyes smile at her when you start chatting.

Talk about something interesting that happened earlier

If there’s something interesting that happened earlier in your day, talk about it. If not, think of an event that happened earlier in your week or month and make up a story around it. So if you had a really good steak last night, but forgot to put on salt and pepper before serving yourself, take that and make up a story about how your dog got into your dining room while you were sleeping and dragged your steak off onto his blanket where he proceeded to roll around on it for hours. Your date will be hooked from start because she can’t wait for you get to finish telling her what happened next. You don’t even have to lie!

Give her an opportunity to tell her story as well

Everyone has a story. Maybe she’s moved recently and is struggling to get her bearings. Maybe her friends have all paired off, leaving her wanting more social interaction. Maybe she just wants someone who will listen while she vents about whatever is frustrating her that day. If you want to connect with her on a deeper level, avoid questions like where are you from? and what do you do?; even if they may be an effective ice-breaker in some situations, they don’t take into account that everyone has both good days and bad days, and that opening up about life can be difficult for most people.


Approach women you like with confidence. Smile. Meet her eyes. Assume she’s as interested in talking to you as you are in talking to her. If you come off as confident, fun, and socially comfortable, she’ll pick up on that vibe, feel good about it herself, and be more open to conversing with you. The rest will take care of itself!

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